Iran, Narrated by Yogi Berra, Illustrations by George Orwell

“There’s only one thing worse than the United States exercising the military option; that is a nuclear-armed Iran. The military option is the last option but cannot be taken off of the table.” Senator John McCain on Face the Nation Sunday, January 16, 2006

If that sounds familiar, it’s because you remember that back in the fall of 2002, you heard this:

“America must not ignore the threat gathering against us. Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof – the smoking gun – that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud.”—President George W. Bush

“No terrorist state poses a greater or more immediate threat to the security of our people than the regime of Saddam Hussein and Iraq.”—Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld

“There is unmistakable evidence that Saddam Hussein is working aggressively to develop nuclear weapons and will likely have nuclear weapons within the next five years. And that may happen sooner if he can obtain access to enriched uranium from foreign sources — something that is not that difficult in the current world. We also should remember we have always underestimated the progress Saddam has made in development of weapons of mass destruction. When Saddam Hussein obtains nuclear capabilities, the constraints he feels will diminish dramatically, and the risk to America’s homeland, as well as to America’s allies, will increase even more dramatically. Our existing policies to contain or counter Saddam will become irrelevant.”—Senator Jay Rockefeller

Back in 2002, we had Ahmed Chalabi, who was backed by the Pentagon as a future leader in Baghdad committed to a secular, pro-western democracy. Now, we have the son of the late Shah of Iran, Reza Pahlavi, who is being touted by the proponents of Iranian regime change as the successor to the Ayatollahs. It’s a Yogi Berra moment: déjà vu all over again. Only this time, the enemy will be Shia, not Sunni. And this time the people we liberate really will shower us with flowers. This time victory will be sure and swift. We must protect the Empire at all costs. For it is the Empire which protects us.

An Emperor must be ever-vigilant against new enemies. He must put down any threat with decisive and overwhelming force. He must demonstrate a ruthlessness that will insure that any rebellion will be short-lived and painful. He must act, not prevaricate. Whatever the cost, however great the casualties, the Emperor must never be weak, must never waver. He makes war with the knowledge that it is for the greater good, the good of the Empire. No power can arise which may challenge the Empire. It is, as Kipling said, “the white man’s burden, the savage wars of peace.”

War is peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.

Long live the Emperor.

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