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So, I’m really sorry that I have not been writing or praying to you, but I’ve been really busy doing Church stuff, you know? I mean you founded this whole Christianity thing right? I know you really didn’t mean to, since you came to save the world and all, but then the Jews killed you and you had to go set up the Church since after you got killed and raised again the only thing more miraculous would be that the Church would actually be faithful to you. (What a joke, right?)
Anyway, so I’m sitting in Church this morning at the 10:30 service thinking kind of smugly about how I’m the only here that’s part of the emergency elect (except for Jeff in the choir, who claims he got one of your emails too but I know he’s lying. He’s just jealous because I chant better than him) and it hits me: you are in Santa Clara and isn’t that right in the Silicon Valley? So wouldn’t it be really cool, if you pull a switcheroo on all the fundamentalists and have Armageddon in the Silicon Valley instead of the Valley of Megiddo?
So anyway, I’ve all these really great ideas for when we get together (like maybe you put me on the turn-water-into-wine team and you know, crank up the volume a little and let’s score some amazing single malt or even some of that old California-pain-killer, if you know what I mean). Anyway sorry to go off on a tangent, but I was wondering when I get my miracle powers, because there’s this guy at work that I really want to have worms come and eat up. And then there’s a couple of tax and spenders that I need to send on a one-way trip to the fiery furnace and the sooner the better.